if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
