Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is the high leading the old right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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