people are starting to question the shark bite story
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
