just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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