I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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