I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
