Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
