I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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