Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I will die if light touches me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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