I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I want is dick and wine.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
