Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
