so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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