mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
