I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
