dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
