the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
