Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
