saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
