I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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