i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
