I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
