I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
