why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
