Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
