I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
