I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
