i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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