if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
