so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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