I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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