I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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