careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
