I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
