and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
