Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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