the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
