Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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