That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
