I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
