DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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