none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
