Welp...herpes.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
