Nicole vs. Life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
