He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
