took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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