I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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