Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
