I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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