I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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