I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
